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  • Martial Arts Humor & Jokes
    Thought it would be really great to get some martial arts jokes to tell in class to break the ice with my young and new students in autumn, if you know of any jokes or humourous anecdotes that can appeal in a class, but still not let it descend into anarchy, I'd love to hear them.
    Let my kick off:
    "How many karate instructors does it take to change a lightbulb?"

    "100! One to change the bulb and 99 to say it would not work on the street!"

    Share this post with a friend.
      • 5
      Andy So this guy walks into a bar.... Ok you can let him go now
      [176815,Alex] :)
      • 4
      Al W A Texas cowboy walks into a dojo thinking it’s a bar. Upon entering he says, “Well hell I thought this was a bar not a dance class.” This upsets the Sensei who approaches the cowboy and replies, “This is no dance class, this is martial arts dojo!” Then he politely bows to the cowboy. He then takes a stance and throws a sidekick, stopping 2” from the cowboy’s nose and says, “That was side kick from Tae Kwon Do. Then politely bows again. He then throws a lighting fast palm heal strike, again stopping 2” from the cowboy’s nose and says, “That was Tiger Palm from Chinese Boxing, “ and again politely bows. After which there is a loud “PRRINGGG!” The students stare in awe as their Sensei is out cold on the floor. Then the Texas cowboy says, Tell that guy when he wakes up… that was a crow bar from Home Depot.
      • 4
      Al W My cousin was an incredibly tough man. He was a karate black belt who eventually joined the army. Sadly the first time he saluted he killed himself.
        • 1
        DW Duke When my son was in the Marines boot camp he was scrubbing the floor with a brush. A general walked by he jumped up with the brush still in his hand, saluted and threw dirty water all over his own face. The general chuckled and said "good one Recruit."
      • 3
      timothy I just reread some of the jokes and came to a concluson: You guys make terrible jokes!!!
      • 3
      Andy Perhaps just skip to a martial artists favourite part of a joke, the punch line!
      • 3
      Nathifa - Martial Arts Mom (MAM) Also stolen:
      Q: If your Sensei makes you a drink, what will it be and what will it have in it?

      A: It would be punch with a little kick to it. :)
      • 3
      Nathifa - Martial Arts Mom (MAM) Stolen from http://www.lvkarate.com/funny_karate.html :
      -------------------------------------------------------------
      Tao of the Monk

      To raise money for the karate school a monk was selling pizza. A man walked in and said, "Make me one with everything."

      So the monk said that would be $15. The man handed the monk a twenty dollar bill.

      After a minute he asked where his change was, to which the monk replied, "Change must come from within."
      • 2
      Andy I was in an elevator the other day with a guy trying to tell me that Karate doesn't work in real self defence, he was wrong on so many levels! :)
      • 2
      Andy https://youtu.be/Bnw3XASzYMw
      • 2
      Al W What do Wing Chun practitioners and teenage boys have in common?

      Sticky Hands
      • 2
      Rachel DS A karate-ka walked into a bar.....The bar came off second best.
      • 2
      Al W Q: What do you get if you cross a martial artist with a bird?
      A: Steven Seagull
        • 2
        Rachel DS That is one seagull that is not going to be flying anywhere fast.
          • 1
          Al W Literally in stitches here.

          He doesn't need to @Rachel DS, he's a deity, all pies come to him
          • 0 1 vote
          • Reply
      • 2
      Al W When I visited the Dusit Zoo in Bangkok I saw a tiger kicking a concrete pillar.

      He must've been a Muay Tiger
        • 2
        Rachel DS OMG [212770,Al W] .....yep... [171807,Andy] you are really gonna have to up the anti!!
          • 2
          Andy [172080,Rachel DS], quality not quantity! :)
      • 2
      Al W Waiter! What's this ninja doing in my soup?

      Looks like a lunge punch.
      • 2
      Al W Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts
      Ten scientific principles that apply to the study of all martial arts:

      1. The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.
      2. The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.
      3. You will have trouble with the ties on your gi pants when members of the opposite sex are in class.
      4. The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick.
      5. The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.
      6. If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.
      7. After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.
      8. After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.
      9. In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours.
      10. No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn.
      • 2
      Al W You might be a Judoka if:-

      1. you think learning to fall helps you learn to throw people.
      2. you see someone taking a bad fall off his bike, and the first word that pops into your head is "ippon!"
      3. every time you see a big open space you have to restrain yourself from doing ukemi for no apparent reason.
      4. when you see some big guy walking down the street you plan how to throw him on his back and then armlock him.
      5. you secretly wish that some untrained, unarmed, and unaccompanied robber would come and attempt to rob you.
      6. your girlfriend thinks you're a freak because you have callouses on the back of your fingers from doing judo grips.
      7. you instinctively bridge and roll whenever you wake up from a nightmare.
      8. you're teaching your kid to ride a bike and start off with ukemi drills!
      9. you get into bed with a forward roll.
      10. a shirtless attacker becomes your worst nightmare.
      11. you choose your dates by how well they look in a Judogi.
      12. you spend more time on top of your friends than your girlfriend.
      13. you say "you should see this new technique I learned" and all of a sudden you're the only one in the room.
      14. you keep having this dream about your mother-in-law reversing your best choke.
      15. your dog shakes hands with everyone but you.
      16. when you are sawing wood or hammering nails you consider it uchikomi.
      17. you can take your child to practice because you're in the same class.
      • 2
      Al W Jackie Chan isn't feeling too well today.

      He's contracted a case of Kung Flu
      • 2
      Al W Q: What Martial Art does Homer Simpson practice?
      A: Tae-Kwon-D'oh
      • 2
      Al W Q: What do you get if you cross a Clown with a Martial Artist?
      A: A Kung Fool
      • 2
      timothy not really a joke you can tell, but monty python once did a sketch about self-defence against fruit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfIkMXw_YM4
        • 2
        Andy Lol, sorry to tell you though [199593,timothy] but [171668,Will - Black Belt Wiki] beat you to it he posted this video here last year. Still I for one enjoyed watching it again! :)
    • 68 more comments











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